Episode 3: On Exigency, or The Things that Crinkle Your Heart

Susan I feel like I need to take a breath. I was looking at one of our participants, one of our members' notes, and she was talking about mercury retrograde and the impact on technology, and we just experienced a little bit of that ourselves with Fathom showing up only in the waiting room. When I, usually I need to like... Say, okay, Fathom, I'm banishing you to the waiting room. I know.

Cassidy Today he banished himself and we couldn't get him back in.

Susan I wonder how many other people are having little interesting technology things. And then my power going out this morning.

Cassidy Power going out this morning. When you have your higher powered cup in your hand. I do, higher powered cup. I that.

Susan I drink out of that cup like every morning. Oh, that makes me so happy.

Cassidy Every morning I'm like drinking my little, my little six ounces of coffee. What can I say? Our matching cups. How cute is that?

Susan It is cute. I love it.

Cassidy I love it. Speaking of technology snafus and mercury retrograde. I just put two and two together that when – so Doc B, as we lovingly call her, she's our chiropractor, neurofeedback practitioner, and adoptive, like, grandmother. She – so Matthew is now, like, her tech support, and she – I just realized that when the tornado, the storm was coming in, and she was having the technology issue with this very obscure piece of technology, I just was like, oh, that's – that is so Mercury retrograde.

Susan Exactly. Yeah.

Cassidy Exactly.

Susan It's just such a funny thing. It's, like, so predictable.

Cassidy It is. Well, and As I've been looking more and more into astrology, it's so incredible how you really can map these kind of things. mean, obviously, the astrology stuff has been in the popular lingo and zeitgeist for a while, the what's your sign, and the, you know, oh, Mercury retrograde kind of thing. But it is, it is incredible. It really is. And it's so funny, I was, as I was looking into it, was like, this one thing I read was, you know, would the things still happen, regardless of whether you had the awareness of, like, looking at the planets that it's so it's like someone looks at her chart and sees that, you know, oh, the astrological weather forecast. It looks like it's not going to be good for me today. So she just. It's like she's going to call out of work because of the astrology, and then her boss is like, yeah, like, lets her go, like, fires her, and it's like, because she had tried to prevent it, it, you know, was the instigation of the thing.

Susan Yeah, not the astrology itself, but what she tried to do to navigate it, right? Right, right.

Cassidy So you're delving into astrology a little bit more, huh? Yes, yeah. So just finished up a sort of month long intensive, and then want to continue with it because it's easily like a lifetime or lifetimes kind of pursuit. And it is very fascinating to see, you know, one of the common question is, where do you start, you know, because when you look at one of the, so first you need to be. We to just understand the language, all the symbols and the houses and like what you're even starting to orient yourself to in looking at one of these charts. And it was a fun synchronicity that I actually found at a thrift store, a large floor puzzle of outer space and the planets.

Susan Oh, interesting.

Cassidy And so I got that. And I also got one with the world, like all the continents and countries and one of the United States with all the states. So this kind of like geopositioning of like, locate yourself. But Clarissa wanted to start with the space one. And so we have done this big floor space puzzle many times at this point. And she kind of knows the planet. So I'm like, that's pretty good for a two-year-old, like, Venus! Venus! So super adorable. And, um, yeah, so it was kind of like fun to coincide studying astrology and, you know, actually looking at the planets too. That kind of, that was kind of fun. Um, well, yeah. So then the question is like, where do you start when you look at a chart when you, you got all this stuff going on? Um, and of course the answer is it depends on what your intention is. Um, I can go more into that, but yes, the short, the short version is yes, I have been looking into it more and, uh, looking into it more also for, for our work too. So that's cool.

Susan Mm-hmm. So you also helped me out the other day. Um. Did it help?

Cassidy You know what?

Susan Yes and no. So... Um, I don't, it's talking about not knowing where to start. How do I begin to contextualize this? Um, so I was feeling very, um, like irritable. I want to describe it as like, no matter what it was that was happening to, and typically would not have It been irritating to me, or I would have let it like roll off my back much more easily. I was finding just like everything like experiencing just irritability. I don't know how to describe it. So I don't know why I, I think because I know like it's on my mind that you are like now looking into astrology. I think that's why I was like, is it astrological? Because of your, like, because it's on the surface for you. Because otherwise, I don't think I would have gone there. Like that isn't typically where I go. Usually, and I think this may have, this may have played a piece. Usually, my mind would go to, whose is it? Because of my own, my own history, which I found funny, because that is sort of what showed up in some of the, the reading that I did that you had pulled up for, from when I asked you, is it astrological? So then, Billy went out. I don't know if you saw this in my notes, then Billy went out. And I was like, Oh, calm. And so I was like, oh, it would make sense to me that he is feeling very irritable right now. And that I sensed his irritability. He is, I guess I'll just generally describe it as overwhelmed right now. For those of you who don't know, I have a broken wrist. And so he not only is super busy with work, but now he's got like all of the responsibility of the house, all of the responsibilities that I would typically take care of and needing to take care of me. So he's got it piled on right now. And, um, I think that he is feeling a little irritable, which I noticed again. And this morning, it had kind of waned for a little bit, but I asked him this morning, which I didn't do the other day, and so I just, I kind of made the assumption the other day, but this morning, because it was now on my mind, I asked him specifically, and so his response was, I have so much to do and not enough time to do it. And that was the end of the conversation, I'm like, okay, but the fact is, is that it is what it is, right? Like, there's nothing I can do to change it. I can have compassion, I, you know, I can understand, but there's nothing that I can do to change it right now. The situation is what it is. And in a way. A, I do feel like some of those things that you pulled up were accurate, right? Like the piece about, I'm actually going to look at it because, well, I thought it was very funny that right now, and now I don't know a lot about astrology. So I'm going to have you help me clarify. When you wrote Lilith is conjunct natal Mars, that was for me personally, right? That isn't like everybody. That was what's happening in my chart right now. So which just creates rough frustration, right? So okay, yeah, what I feel like how that shows up for me is I have absolutely, and this just is generally across the board. This is like on the world stage. I mean, don't, let's not go to politics. We got a lot going on in the world. I'll just briefly, like, say we have the, ran more going on, just so people have context for when they go back to that.

Cassidy So we're going to leave that alone.

Susan Right. We are aware that things happen in the world. I have no tolerance for BS. So it is from like the world stage BS all the way down to like interpersonal relationships. I, I just have no tolerance for it. None. I, it like, I see it and I'm like, I'm ready to roar and pounce. Um, so that totally. Yeah. Um, I totally got that. The thing, you know, this is really so interesting, and I ended up doing some research on my own and stuck it into this page because what wasn't resonating was all of the, not that, how do I describe it, the timing, the way it was worded about Chiron, which is the wounded healer, the way it was worded just did not resonate for me. And so what I ended up asking a different AI was what if someone has done their psycho-spiritual work, then at 58, which I am turning this year, what does Chiron feel like in their chart? And that felt... A very much more, that resonated a lot more. So I found it super interesting to read all of this and it's almost like the way the interpretation happens is, and this is in my opinion, so Western and I get it. Um, the interpretation happens as if people haven't done their spiritual work and so it's, it like gives the most, um, I don't want to use the word dreadful, but intense, like the most intense, like you're going to be clobbered by your astrology kind of.

Cassidy Um.

Susan Outlook. Yeah.

Cassidy Yep.

Susan Which I just feel so is if. You've done your work that just isn't the case.

Cassidy Yep, yep. Oh gosh, yep.

Susan So hopefully, Miss Cassidy, you, my dear, will have an astrology presented for those who have done their work. That is my hope, that you will be able to shine a light in a different way on astrology that doesn't give it this twist that the astrology is going to clobber you, that it will be an interpretation that meets the person who has done their psycho-spiritual inner work.

Cassidy That's my hope.

Susan Mm-hmm.

Cassidy Yes. So many thoughts. Oh, do tell.

Susan Do tell. So many thoughts.

Cassidy So, I- I'll put a pin in the thought on AI, just in general, and AI as, I don't know, in studying astrology and just the curiosity of how can it be used for rapid learning or for cognitive strengthening and not for cognitive atrophy. And, and I think it does tie in with this point about sovereignty, and being able to have discernment and apply discernment. And that's why I love you, you have keen discernment, and you could look through and say, yes, this feels no, and you can you can feel that so can go more into that. But I feel like the salient thing is what you were then getting into about with astrology not being deterministic or fatalistic. And, yes, I guess that's what we were talking about. Before in the cultural norm, like, oh, this, like, oh, no, doom, doom.

Susan Yeah, like doom and warning, like doom signs. Yeah, and doomsday. And even, it's so hard to describe, like, the energy of the, and so, certainly we both used AI in this instance, and I don't know if it is, I don't, I don't think alone, because that isn't always my experience of AI, that it goes to the doomsday place, or the, like, the most challenged place, but I felt like that, that initial piece that came out about Chiron really took it to. I'll call it the immature place. There's this assumption that there is an immaturity to the person and their circumstances around the planets and the astrology and the influence, not an empowered stance.

Cassidy Yeah. So I guess it is worth going ahead and putting the note or the disclaimer that as someone who's newer in this lifetime at least to the study of astrology that I'm aware of the Dunning-Kruger effect and I'm more aware of what I don't know than what I'm what I know. So I'm not portending. So that's a good little note first. Also, in terms of how to work with a tool, like I'm working with Claude, for example, there's a difference between me dumping chart data in and saying, give me an interpretation. And then, as a study thing, me looking at the chart or the data and being like, okay, this is what I'm seeing first, and this is how I'm interpreting it first, and then kind of getting into this recursive discourse. And honestly, the tool often, it's like, everyone's like freaking out about sentient AI. I'm like, the thing I learned more from correcting all of the hallucinations, like, I Speaker working I'm just like, I'm like, I can't believe like, we're paying for this. I'm like, looking at it. And I'm like, this is just wrong. This is just wrong. And this is why I like to learn using very specific case studies from lived experience, because I know in my body, and I know in my heart and intuition, what feels like, you know, truth. And then it's like, how it's, is there a story that's playing out here? And then it, it can provide an amazing context, higher perspective context on what's, what's playing out. But yeah, there is this need for intelligence and discernment and all this good stuff. So I feel like that's a good, just like, you know what, I was going to put a pin on it, but I'll just like, start with that. Because this is another thing about like sovereignty and using things for empowerment, right? Sovereignty and empowerment. And so I was actually, I was chatting with Joanna. Joanna Pitt is who I, I had started studying with, and she was a former colleague and a friend. So we were chatting on the phone and she was talking about, you know, some of these challenging aspects that can come up in your chart. And especially with these slower moving planets, sometimes it can last years, you know, going through. And she was talking about how some of this astrology stuff comes just from lived experience, know, being able to talk about how these transits can affect you. So there's a maturity factor. But that I was sharing and she was agreeing how if you have, and she had said this, if you have awareness, if you have tools, spiritual tools, if you have this, then when these different The cult aspects, these transits, when these things come, you're going to be more capable, more equipped, and you're not going to be as buffeted, you know, by the effects than someone else. And so this is the thing, and it's part in my spiritual lineage, too, this understanding that the way I described it is like, let's say, so your chart is like this karmic blueprint of the planets at the exact time and space and location of like, when you were born, when your soul arrived, how beautiful is that? And so that's like the cards you were dealt. Right.

Susan And I think that's the piece that was accurate in what was what you had shared, that the, the things I was Born with were accurate, but what felt so inaccurate was how it's affecting me now and the reason for my irritability. It was talking about things that I was like, that sounds like 30 years ago. That's where I was 30 years ago, when I was making that transition from, oh my God, I'm so emotionally overwhelmed to, oh my gosh, I'm an empath. No wonder why I feel overwhelmed. And then the most psycho-emotional work, one, to deal with that. And then the healership training. healership training. To turn that into not only my own mastery, but to give back to the world to to to step into my power. And I felt like it was it was really saying, that's what I'm coming into now. And I'm like, no, that was like, then that's not what is at the core of what's going on right now. Um, so it felt like it felt like it was missing me. Mm hmm. You know, like it didn't know you if you had just been in that, you know, like looking at whatever the planets were going on, and you really knew me, which you do, and you were just making the analysis, I feel like, then it could have perhaps been more in a alignment with what could possibly be going on now.

Cassidy Rather than just this assumption that what had happened 30 years ago was perhaps happening now. Yeah. Yes. And so this is where, so let's say the chart is the cards you're dealt, then how are you going to play your game?

Susan Right. And that is the to-do position.

Cassidy Wink out there y'all from winter season, how to win the game of life or play the game of life. So you have the cards you were dealt and you can move through life unconsciously. And some call that maybe fate. And then there's destiny. And that's how you play your game. And yes, from my lineage and my understanding and my personal experience, sincere spiritual practice bypasses the All the planetary influences, it can really, the way I described it to Joanna was like, if you're going to go bowling, and you can have the bumper rails up, so, you know, you're not going to land in the gutter, you know, you're not going to have a gutter ball, you're not going to sink, you know, you're going to hit a pin, you're at least going to. So have you been a fly on the wall when I when I bowl? Because my ball, my favorite thing to do is to make sure we have bumpers.

Susan My golf game is probably a little bit better than my bowling game.

Cassidy Yeah, so I think that the cautionary note is that. But something like astrology or something like cartomancy, these are very powerful tools. And it's very easy to get entranced in the tools themselves and the navel-gazing aspect of it, you know? And, like, this is the cautionary note about story. It's so funny. Like, we work with narrative intelligence. We work with story. And yet, most spiritual wisdom traditions, once you get to a certain point, they say, let go of story. So how do you do both? Like, how do you both honor and understand the power and function of story and also recognize present power and let go of story? How do you do both?

Susan Well, that's how I define true mastery. Because it's, like, it's neither and it's both.

Cassidy Right?

Susan I feel like it's two sides of the same coin. And we know that there's so much beyond this plane of existence. Right? So I feel like you can't take any of it and just run blindly with it. I think that's really the key. You can't take any of this, I'll call it stuff. Whether it be story or cartomancy or astrology or human design. Like if you let yourself get, just follow it and just take it in like this is it. I feel like you're So in trouble, that to me, that is the true danger to just, just, I don't know, there is this inner work that needs to be done. And those can be those things are tools that can be used to help you discern for yourself to, to move you deeper into your own personal center with discernment.

Cassidy So here's, here's another tidbit aspect to this, which is also from my lineage that I'm initiated into, which is the understanding that even someone who has a sincere and steady spirit. Like essentially, it takes a person of wisdom, a wisdom practitioner, in order to be able to use these tools accurately and in a way that's empowering. And even then, even the most realized, you maybe get 80%. Curiously, we'll say that, right? And so this also has to do with the science of consciousness and coherency with attractor patterns, right? So it will depend on the level of consciousness of the practitioner as to the accuracy, the coherency, the power of the transmission, right? And so this, I feel like I need to write, I don't know, a Substack article all about contextualizing cartomancy in this way, for example. Because people might say like, Oh, I had a card reading once and... You know, it wasn't very accurate. I don't think this stuff is real. Whatever it is. And so there are reasons that, there are a number of reasons why that might be. So, and this is why also we emphasize the significance of spiritual practice with our MVP challenge.

Susan Right.

Cassidy So, yeah. Did that make, did, what's, I'm trying to work, you know, we're always working on, I've, I've mostly gotten rid of it in my language, the, does that make sense? I feel like they say, particularly for women, like, oh, you don't have to always qualify what you're saying. Oh, does that make sense? For some some reason.

Susan For I am having, I know that my words have not put the finger on it. I don't know, do you get those internal senses sometimes where your language like didn't hit the button, didn't hit the center point of what it is? I'm feeling that right now. And for some reason, I'm feeling at a loss as to how to put into language exactly the feeling that I get in talking about this. The best I can come to is Follow that thing you feel. Right? I feel like my center point is, like my North Star is bleeping right now. Right? And I just don't have the words to express what that is at the moment. But wisdom tells me not to go to astrology, not to go to cards, but to keep orienting toward that point, that sensate inside of me, that sensation inside of me as the way home. So I feel like what exactly is going on for me right now is exactly the thing that I want. Want to share, which is when you feel it inside, keep orienting toward that and don't worry about what the story says, what astrology says, what any of those tools are pointing toward because you have your own homing device inside, right? Like, stay focused on your inner compass, and that's the true work, that's the true work, not to try and create understanding about the information that comes in, that's not the important thing, right, to understand the world around you and be able to put that into words. That isn't the most important thing. I think the most important thing is to recognize. So your North Star, even if you can't put words to it, and keep orienting yourself toward that. And eventually there will come clarity about that, if you keep orienting yourself toward that. So what it's reminding me of is what I have been speaking about quite a bit on and offline, in my notes, is about staying with these emerging things long enough without naming them so that they become clear, right? And so then once there is clarity around it, then the words come easily. So right now, I am at this place in this conversation where I see the bleep. It's light in the distance. But it's not fully formed yet. And I think that for a lot of people, there's so much challenge in remaining in that liminal space and in not knowing and not being able to say clearly and completely to another, this is what it is. This is exactly how I feel. I'm there already. We can't always be there. Oh, hello, kitten in the camera. Um, we can't always be there. Like we, how is that possible to be in this life and always be there? It's not. We need to allow How these, these transitional moments, these threshold places, these liminal spaces, and get comfortable with the discomfort of that.

Cassidy Yes. This is just like, two thumbs up. Yeah, you know, it's, I feel like we talk about this often, maybe like not mistaking the tool for the goal kind of thing. For those who are just listening in audio, I've got a cattail on my face. So I cannot see Cassidy right now.

Susan I'm just seeing this tail waving. waving.

Cassidy All right, there we go. So, you know, I think, as we live life as spiritual advent. is And Sure, I think how we can contextualize is that whatever you need will arrive or arise to serve, whether that's a modality or an ally, and we're going to be crossing into quest season soon, or, you know, as you're orienting towards the most important thing. As you're orienting based on that heart compass, then it's, it's always amazing how all of these tools just show up, you know, when we also add experiences to that list.

Susan Oh, sure, sure. That experiences are going to show up. Um. Thank In order to help as well.

Cassidy I'm going to put a mental pin on coming back because I had an experience last night and I feel like that was a teachable moment too about these experiences that arise to serve. And if you can recognize it in the moment and, and sort of take, take the opportunity. My thought was going this way. And then you said experiences and then my mind was like, Ooh, remember that thing?

Susan I'm sorry. No. No.

Cassidy No. No. I just the mind is a fickle thing I get it gets excited. Usually I usually I hold it. But yeah, no. My apologies. Oh, no, it was a salient point. It was a necessary addition. Yeah, I was talking about tools that arrive or arise.

Susan Well, so since we went there, do you want to share your experience of last night?

Cassidy Sure. Part of me is like, how is this relevant? And then I'm like, okay, follow the energy.

Susan Follow the yellow brick road.

Cassidy No, actually, that is true. Like when we're talking about the most important thing and I mean, Wizard of Oz is classic heroic journey, like stuff archetypal symbolism. So I love using the pop culture references like Wizard of Oz or, of course, Allison. Wonderland is one of our, one of our faves. So why don't we go down the rabbit hole?

Susan Okay, let's go.

Cassidy So I am playing with the idea of rather than going to the theater this year, you know, one night a week, where, what would I go? Where would I go? What would I do instead? And so I was considering finding a cafe that's open late, where I could host a co, I would be writing, and I have one other person who's maybe interested in writing as well. So like a co-writing and discussing our writing, whether that's, you know, no. What we'll be writing to be determined, but landing on the idea of exigency. And exigency, I learned from my mentor as an undergraduate, Dr. Paul Heiliker, who was who specialized in the essay form, and he talked about exigency as that which you cannot remain silent about, and this kind of goes off of where we ended last time, and also exigency in terms of, this is like rhetoric, language, and culture, where in the cultural conversation is there something missing, where is there a rift that needs to be mended? So there's an urgency that needs to be addressed through language.

Susan I'm shaking my head because that is what prompted me to write. Yes.

Cassidy So continue.

Susan Continue. I'm with you.

Cassidy And when we were talking about emergence counsel, to me, exigency, exigence and emergence go hand in hand, because emergence comes from exigence, from need. And so at first I was thinking about a writing group or just writing. I was thinking about the Inklings, like, you know, Tolkien and C.S. Lewis, you know, I had my summer in Oxford and I went to the Bird and Babe pub and I thought, oh, this is just like so cool. They used to, like, come here and they used to bring their writing and talk about their writing and, you know, it's a vibe. I'm, like, imagining this, you know, it's a feeling. And I was like, okay, but, you know, these were, like, dudes bringing their fantasy, you know, their thing was fantasy, obviously, through which they did this. And I was like, but this feels different. What I'm seeing emerge is, in particular women, but there's this sense of exigency about needing to speak or write. Um, nonfiction, things that feel very real. And so a different kind of, uh, writing perhaps. Um, so that was like the question, right? The intent, the thing that was starting to formulate is like, okay, I could start to do this. So yesterday I was like, okay, this is going to be my first venture out to see if I can find a cafe.

Susan What, what, what's the spot going to be?

Cassidy So there's a, a cafe downtown called Gypsy Coffee House and they're open late and I've never been. And I walk in thinking the thing to do is, okay, I'm going to walk in. I'm going to get an herbal tea. I'm going to find like a cozy corner spot. I'm going to like go heads down. And I'm going to write, and I don't even know what I'm going to write, but I'm going to block it off. It's not going to be robes of light stuff. It's not going to be work stuff. It's just going to be for writing. And I walk in, and somebody's at the mic.

Susan It's open mic night.

Cassidy And the place is so packed. There's like nowhere to sit. And, you know, so this is the thing. need to talk about experiences arise. And this is what I was talking about in terms of like, can you recognize the moment because sometimes when it's not what you think you need, or what you thought you wanted, the initial reaction is to Run away.

Susan But, I believe, from your notes, you slowed your roll.

Cassidy I slowed my roll. Well, I committed to staying. I ordered the herbal tea. And then I was looking all around, and I found one spot on a couch next to someone. So, God forbid, I have to, like, make my way in and ask if I can sit next to someone. So, you know, that's challenge number one. But then, you know, the person who was hosting, I had asked, I'm like, so this thing going on here, is this, like, a weekly thing? And they were like, yeah, every, every week. And I was like, did you, did you start? Bye. Thank Is Is this like your thing? And they're like, no, this has been going on for years. I'm just carrying the torch, you know? And I was like, okay, okay. And then they're like, and you know, if you have, if you got a poem, I was like, oh, well, you know, I used to, but she's like, well, maybe next week, come back. Okay. And then I go, I sit down and I pull up my laptop. Okay. I'm like, I can like totally tune out my surroundings. Now I'm going to do the thing that I, I'm going to be in denial of everything around me. I was like, oh, I'm like, okay, I can't focus. You know, cause the mic, the mic's loud, you know, clapping.

Susan like a million people and then the clapping and then the reading.

Cassidy And it wasn't, it was not a million. It's actually a small, it's a pretty small coffee shop.

Susan Okay, but 20 even. Yeah, sure.

Cassidy 20 people in a small place might as well feel like a million. Right. It was enough. So I'm dragging this story out long enough. Essentially, it was the very end. She was calling it a night. The host was calling it a night. And I stood up holding my laptop and raised my hand and I was gonna do it but somebody pointed it out and I went up and I performed a few pieces.

Susan Of which you please share in the notes for the podcast because they are phenomenal.

Cassidy I see you saw them. Yeah.

Susan I did my homework. Right before I get on our podcast, so I'm sort of thinking now, with you working with me and this work that you missed your calling, that you just should have been a poet, I thought the poetry was amazing. And you have to go, well, I think that you need to go every night to the Gypsy Cafe to write your poetry so that you can perform your poetry on performance night, because otherwise how are you going to get the poetry written for performance night? You can't just go on the night.

Cassidy You have to write the poetry first and then go perform it.

Susan I'm calling on God to set up the circumstances for Cassidy to write poetry because she should not be writing. I mean, yes, she can write stories. We know Cassidy can write, but she can really write poetry.

Cassidy Thank you.

Susan So she can write a website, so everybody go check out the new website, but she can really write poetry.

Cassidy Thank you.

Susan So my question to you is, were those poems, now I know they were not new poems. They were poems that you pulled up from whenever ago. Were they poems of Exodus? Thank Thank And I'm really curious what kind of poetry you might be leaning toward now in what might be a different phase or stage of life.

Cassidy Well, and this is the thing, is when I was considering what to write this year, poetry was not top on the list. I figured, right?

Susan I'm just putting in my request, that's all. Just putting in my request. I can have needs, Cassidy.

Cassidy Well, no. And so this is the thing. This is the thing about exigency that I think is also significant. It's not only about what do I think. What to be, what do I presume is the need, but what is being asked, right? And where can those things meet?

Susan I agree with you on that. And I don't know that, I don't know that everybody thinks that way. I don't know if it's a healer mentality that thinks that way. I don't really know, but regardless, I agree with you. I agree. Yeah.

Cassidy And that's what I really, I feel this need to want to, whatever the medium is, whatever the route is, you know, that I may serve. And, you know, and this is like, the poetry sometimes feels very, like, indulgent, you know, and. And. you. Good.

Susan Good. Like a rich chocolate bar for you, I hope. Well, it's different.

Cassidy Like, it's easy to see, like, okay, I need to start a substack and, like, I need to, like, that's the space to, like, get on your soapbox and, like, pontificate and talk about, you know, where, what's missing. Like, have a dialogue with the world, with the sociocultural state of things, and speak onto that. But, you know, I think about, like, I'm deeply inspired by the Black arts movement, you know, historically, like, when I was studying poetry, I was really inspired by figures like Nikki Giovanni and Toni Morrison. Have I read all their work? Am I, like, experts on them? No. Nope. Um, but the way in which they affected change through art is so inspiring to me. So it always has been. And, uh, so I, I think to say that the only way to make an exigency statement is through, I don't know, speaking from the head, it would be a false presumption. So maybe there is a place for poetry. Maybe. That makes me very happy to hear. Uh, well, you know, and so there's like a, there's a story slam group in town and I went to a family constellation. Maybe. Yeah. And one of the main facilitator is also the host for the past 13 years of the local Story Slam, where they have a storytelling competition, five-minute stories, you know, and there's a theme, and you get to go up and tell stories. And just every time I've thought about it, it's been a no internally. It's like, I have very little time and energy, so it's like, what do I need to say?

Susan And it's not necessarily that.

Cassidy So, anyways, thank you for reading my poetry and for the encouragement.

Susan Not only did I read your poetry, I drank the nectar of your poetry. It may- It may It me feel poetic. It was lovely. It truly was lovely. I really am feeling the words, though, about writing with the compass pointed toward exigency, like, what needs to be spoken. And so I think we mentioned that I already was, you know, new to Substack, right, the last time. I should give you the link to my little Substack to put in the things. Mm-hmm. I have, like, less-than-minimal followers, but... I don't know. But... You know, I have this one follower, I have more than one, but I have this one follower who wrote to me last night after because my latest article came out yesterday. And she's so sweet. She writes, I'm going to need I'm going to actually open the note because her exact words are so sweet. And I don't want to get it wrong. want to quote her if I can find it. Hold on. Here we go. She writes, this is absolutely lovely. That wasn't the part I wanted to share. She writes, I'm realizing I need a box of Kleenex to sit with while reading everything you write.

Cassidy I love it all. Thank you so much. Oh, so sweet. I know.

Susan Isn't that sweet. So You're welcome. I feel like, wow, it, like, I don't know, there's something about that, that, is that what exigency is about? To, like, move people, right?

Cassidy Like, to, right?

Susan I think there is, right, to, like, wake people up to something that you are feeling, to share these things. These where you're like, I can't be silent, right? And, um, to, to, um, to not only touch a life in the moment of realizing, um, that you need to do something, but then to take a moment to write about it, you know? So, it's, like, touch. Watching Lives Twice, and I don't know, it started for me because I just, I couldn't make peace with something.

Cassidy That's how the writing started.

Susan It just, it like had to be written about. It was the only way. It was like, I just, it was the only way. I didn't know what else to do with it. And so that's how the writing started. And I, right now I'm feeling like there's a theme forming that I'm kind of, kind of go with. Um, but we'll see over time. Who knows? You know, I'm, I'm open minded. We'll, we'll see. Um. But I think the hope in the end is even if I change one life, make one person think, or give person a new way of thinking about something, or even ... I don't know. There's something too about ... I wonder if this goes back to my astrology. There's something about sharing these things that make me churn and think inside. There's something about sharing that with people that Um, I, I find very satisfying, um, from the perspective of, um, regardless of how many people read it, um, for me to say, these are the things that touch me, you know, um, there's something that feels really important there. Um, the things that, um, the things that weigh, you know, the things that, um, this is funny. I don't know why this came to mind. The things that crinkle my heart was the phrase that came to mind. Um, so that's a weird phrase, but that's the phrase that came to mind that the, the things that crinkle my heart. Um, And yeah, things crinkle my heart and so to share that kind of thing.

Cassidy Yeah. Yeah, know, so one thank you for doing that. I had gone to a Sunday dinner invitation that was hosted and it's a standing invitation. There'll be different people each week. And the first time I went, there was a gentleman there, an older gentleman who's been, I suppose, involved in politics, maybe at the local state level. And a lot of his work now is on advocacy specifically for like nature. Animals and like going and speaking about bills and, you know, talking about how proposed legislature will affect the bear population, or working with the tribal nations to like, try and deal with the chicken poop situation, polluting the waters or, you know, these, and he said, unfortunately, most of their work is just in defense, you know, they never like get any proactive kind of work. But, so that's a, that's a certain type of exigency, right, using his voice to go and talk about legislature bills idea, ideas, like, there's like the political language of exigency. And, what I noticed is It's that the, sometimes the women in the room will be silent and are just sort of, there's a sort of conditioning to that. But I believe if more, and this is just more and more humans, it doesn't just have to be women, but there is something about the heart of a woman. So if more and more of us can start to open that heart and express the truth of the heart, what crinkles our heart, that is revolutionary to me. That's what could change. Which, you know, I just, you know, you can see like the ripple effects. And so, yeah, when you're speaking about. Your, your, your sub stack and sharing like the exigency of what's in your heart. Like to me, that is as talk about the most important thing, or like, it feels as significant to me as, um, you know, the, the political, uh, what's the, I forget the name of when someone goes in front of the legislature and just like talks for as long as possible in order to set filibuster. Yes. Right.

Susan That's how political we are. So that's, so that's what I'm saying is like, that's not the only way.

Cassidy And thank you for sharing and speaking from the heart.

Susan You know, it feels silly to say, you're welcome, because I almost feel like it was pushed out of me. It was almost like not a choice. It was like squeezed out.

Cassidy It was like the only way to puff my heart back up was to write it out. What I'm noticing here is there's an interesting juxtaposition of what we've discussed today between the significance of being able to stay and not jump into the mind, into knowledge, or into even needing to speak or get ahead of ourselves. So it's almost the growing edge in some ways to stay to contain, but then also So So So So So So There can be a growing edge or a necessity for kairos, that Greek term for timing, right timing, that when it does present itself, being able to recognize the moment when it does arrive, or when that feeling does arrive, and to speak.

Susan And it's both.

Cassidy Yeah, it's both.

Susan You know, have a few minutes left. And I'm really curious about the point in the season that it is, and where you're at. So we are kind of coming to the close of question time in our heroic journey, which means And that we have done some integration work. We've sort of reflected on the winter season, what it has brought, what it has pointed out, what's arisen for us. And as we've done that integration, hopefully some questions have risen to the surface of the reflecting pool. And so I'm wondering if you have formulated any, are you playing with any questions yet for your quest? And if you haven't, that's okay. Cause I totally just like pulled that out of a hat.

Cassidy Let me, let me listen within. And for. For a minute. And I'm curious.

Susan Feel free to pull up your reflections as well. Yeah. So while you, do you want some silence to think about? No, go ahead.

Cassidy ahead. So I have been playing with some questions.

Susan I haven't, I haven't landed on, oh, this is the, this is the question. It's like one official question. I haven't landed there. But there are, there are questions that I'm playing with. Um, now, if you just landed on this podcast and haven't listened to any other. There are. And we have members who are probably already very familiar with this word because I keep bringing it up. But if you're not, I have been talking and thinking about the archetype of emergence and what that means to me. And if I stay, if I stay with that archetype long enough, what will emerge because I don't feel like that is something I would stay in forever. But if I stay with it, what might emerge from doing that work of staying like you were just talking about staying, containing, etc. And so there's that idea there. Like. What what would come from that? What what can emerge just from being a listener at the threshold at this time in my life? And this idea of, you know, those, we had used cards, some Oracle cards, we had a partner pull cards in our last integration workshop. And the card was a new path that was pulled for me. And so one of the questions is, how am I being called to emerge as a listener at the threshold while surrendering to this new path? Which I don't know what that path is. Um, there's also, um, from my collage, um, that why Wild medicine. Those words wild medicine that were in my collage. They're like one of the, besides the door, they're like the largest thing on the collage. They're these giant words in that upper right hand quadrant, which we're relating to our first quarter. Wild medicine. And, um, I put that together with this, um, this feeling of, uh, just being with animals as, as they pass, um, or as they make some kind of transition in their life. Um, so another question that I had, uh, come to formulate was how is life inviting me into deeper wild commune, communion with the scene and the unseen worlds? Um.

Cassidy Mm.

Susan Mm. Mm. Mm. And there are others, but I don't want to take up the whole time with all of my thoughts. I really wanted to hear where you were at and what questions are coming to mind for you.

Cassidy So I was taking a little look at that first quadrant of my visionary board, and I was looking also at the card and the invitation from our integration workshop. And so my invitation was showing vulnerability, and so there's a question of what magic might happen if I show people who I really am. So what magic might happen if I show people who I really am? And other questions that come up are, what's the story that one? to be told. So a lot of writing and story stuff there. What is life as divine romance? Life as romance? And what is the new Pythia, the new or Pythia? What is the new or the postmodern priestess? So those, those all come to mind. Now. Now. Yeah. And along with divine romance, there's something there about relationship and the dance of relationship and partnership as well.

Susan That's sort of.

Cassidy Is that in your first quadrant?

Susan Does that show up there?

Cassidy It does with the, with the, the Drumminey, the Draco Hermione.

Susan I'm going, I'm going to that picture. Yeah.

Cassidy there's, there's some context there. Okay. But it kind of ends up coming full circle because you got the romance and the tango dancers in the upper left, but then in the upper right, you have the, the little boy, a fairy and the little girl fairy. So you got like the fairies and then you got like the, the Drumminey coloring book pages. So I'll see time.

Susan You know, had this, your balloons here, your hot air balloons are reminding me of this interesting experience that I had the other day. I was laying in my hammock since I'm not really doing much right now and I was just looking up at the sky and there's this tiny, tiny little red shiny dot floating through the sky. I mean like so far away and it was only when the sun hit it the right way that I could see was this tiny little red, I mean like it was a red balloon and it was really far away. And so suddenly I'm singing 99 red balloons, right? But I had no idea what that That was really about. I'm like, yeah, okay. I'm like, 99 red balloons. What is that song about? And so I looked up the meaning behind that song, 99 red balloons. And then I was like, how appropriate that I see this red balloon right now, because for those of you who don't know, those 99 red balloons are like an anti-war statement, which I had no idea. I'm glad I looked it up. I just thought it was such a fitting thing to happen with, oh my gosh, I'm starting and ending our show talking about something I don't want to talk about, the Iran war. Um, and I just thought it was so, it's such a. Fascinating synchronicity to see this little tiny speck of a red balloon that even just like laying, enjoying life and nature and the outdoors, that it's just this reminder to me in a way that we're part of this greater whole and there's no burying your head in the sand, that there has to be this awareness of what's going on in the greater context. Um, and, uh, also brings me to, um, a piece of my MVP, which, um, um, I've decided to recite the Bodhisattva prayer every morning as a piece of my MVP, and it comes from a dream originally, this idea that no one is left behind, but I feel like there is relationship between that red balloon and not forgetting what's going on in the world and that dream and the Bodhisattva. It just really feels like it has a lot of meaning for me right now. That we're not healed until everyone is healed. We are not enlightened until everyone is enlightened. That it can't be just a... A personal journey. It is a personal journey, but it's also a collective one. And so I don't know if that's part of the question or a part of the quest this year, but it's certainly something that stands out to me personally, that it's not, it's not just personal. Yeah.

Cassidy It's not just personal. I get that sense too. And, and to me, the modern priestess is like, it was a, a position of service. Yes.

Susan Yeah. It's a position of service to the collective.

Cassidy And over the red, the big red balloon that I have in that right quadrant is the word rise. And with the MVP, with our spiritual practice, we rise, not just for ourselves. Yeah. Thank I'm grateful that you brought it up and in the way that you did. Thank you. Thanks.

Susan You say it. Go ahead.

Cassidy All right. I'm going to make a couple of announcements real quick and then we're going to add. You can find 99 left balloons, the German version or 99 red balloons on our seasonal soundtrack on the tune in page, which I don't know if you know this, but I actually added that song last season.

Susan It's on our playlist last season. I forgot that. I remember now, but I forgot that. I forgot. Fun. Note.

Cassidy So I was like, announcements. All right. Spring Equinox approaches. So if you have been curious to see what kind of grand adventure and schemes we're up to over here on Spring Equinox, we will be hosting our three-hour, with a 30-minute intermission as well, live opening show collection. Active Cartomancy Field Reading to open the next three months. And that will be recorded if you cannot attend live. And so you can get your show ticket there. Also, doors are open for our membership registration, our seasonal membership. These doors only open in the two-week portal windows before every equinox and solstice. So, uh, go to robesoflight.com and... So, uh... uh... Check it out. You can see the show ticket and the membership stuff there. Also, Susan mentioned MVP. This is our minimum viable practice challenge, which we have available as a free course to sign up on our website. And this is committing to 120 days with grace, but committing to 120 days of spiritual practice. And this can be five minutes a day, and you get to define that for yourself. And we provide some suggestions on how to do that and some tools for tracking and reflection and an optional community thread. So those are the, we got three significant announcements, show ticket, membership, MVP challenge, all at robesoflight.com. Our, our new. Our Revamped website. Beautiful website. Beautiful new website.

Susan Thanks to Cassidy.

Cassidy Show notes will also be on the tune in page as always. And, as always. To be continued.

Susan It's great to see you. Thanks so much. Great to see you. Be your wisdom, your light, your love, and your poetry.

Cassidy Thank you. I love you so Make sure to share it on the notes.

Susan Okay. I'm not going to let you get away with not sharing it.

Cassidy Okay. If you want to see the poetry, go to the show notes.