Episode 9: Final Tests (Tantrums and Do-overs)

Susan Just before I came on, I was thinking to myself, oh, my gosh, I need Cassidy to drop me a pin.

Cassidy Where are we?

Susan Where are we? Well, it's so good to see you.

Cassidy miss you. It feels like it's been long.

Susan So long. It probably hasn't been, but it feels like it has been.

Cassidy Yeah. Yes. It's so so good to see you. Yeah. You know, in my mind's eye, I'm like, ooh. So, you know, we have the infographic, right, that shows the solar story map of the year and try to keep the website updated for like where we're at. And of course, members get the updates in heartbeat. But I was like, oh, in my mind, I was seeing it like a live graphic where like the tracker moves like as we move. So you could actually see, I'm like, can it be done?

Susan I'm like, I'm like, see, this is what these crazy technological tools are for, you know, in terms of the imagination is the limit. So that would be so fun.

Cassidy I know. So I will make a or I'll have the the note taker. Put a pin in that for me. I'll ask my tech support, a.k.a. my husband, to debrief with me on this.

Susan That's awesome.

Cassidy So that all being said, where are we? Let's see. This is our chapter nine retrospective.

Susan It is.

Cassidy Well, letting that land for a second, that we're, we're, yeah, right? I don't know.

Susan Chapter nine is complete, really.

Cassidy Chapter nine is like, it's over.

Susan I know.

Cassidy We're recording, I guess, a little bit early soon since you're going on a trip, but still, yes, chapter nine's coming to an end. And. In our annual solar story, our heroic journey, we, since August 1st, we crossed over into the callback stage, which we talked about in our last retrospective. So we've been in climax season.

Susan We have.

Cassidy Yes. We have.

Susan Yeah. Yeah.

Cassidy So that's been happening. And at some point, we were walking and talking, or I was, I think you were inside because we were commiserating on how brutally hot it has been, brutally, and then sort of musing on summer hibernation. Which I definitely have had to do.

Susan I mean, I would say after 11 o'clock, I am, well, and most mornings, it's even before that. I will stay out until like 10, 1030 at the ranch on the days I go to see Odin. But other than that, if I'm just home and want to exercise, I'm like done by like 8, 830 because it has just been so brutal. And that's it then until maybe some evenings, like around six, potentially go outside. Although last night, last night, I opened the garage door to step out. I put one foot out right around. No kidding. I turned right around. And I said to Billy, there's no way I can walk in this. Let's go do some errands. And that was what we did. There was no way I could take a walk. I knew that I would be sorry. I would be so overheated, exhausted, drained, if I did that. It was like 97 degrees without a real feel, and the sun was so strong. It was just unbearable. I just couldn't do it, which I love to do. I love to go take a walk at night after dinner. That's like our thing. I couldn't. It was kind of sad, but it's what needed to be done.

Cassidy Yeah, I told you, we had been doing family neighborhood walks. There's a little park in the neighborhood with a swing, and we would walk to the swing and back. And we're doing that every night until August. Maybe even end of July, you know, I don't win. be And I don't, I don't even, it's been so long. I don't know now. But yeah, we have not been doing family, family walks in, in a while. And so it has an effect. Yeah, I agree.

Susan It does. Because I don't know, for Billy and I, it's like a time, like, without cell phones, just outside breathing fresh air, just the two of us together without distractions. I mean, except for, you know, like maybe a wave to a neighbor or something like that, where we can just talk about the day and what's going on and like what's coming up and whatever. And we really enjoy it. And to like miss that so much, you know, like so often because of the heat.

Cassidy Sure. Well, and it's one of those things that, you know, I'm aware in my periphery that, you know, this summer, the world has been on fire in terms of, I mean, wildfires, Canada, the smoke effects coming into the United States, Spain, France, there's just been a lot going on there. So at least the air quality has been well enough here in the heartland to go outside. But it's just, it's been a heat advisory over 100 degrees for like, a month straight.

Susan So I said, I would have said longer for you guys.

Cassidy And it may be longer. It might be.

Susan I think it's actually been longer than that.

Cassidy It might be.

Susan I think it's been longer. I like to keep track of where you're at.

Cassidy No, I, no, it's one of the things. I love, I miss about like, I don't have the iPhone weather app anymore and I can't find the perfect Android one yet. I also like to keep other people's locales in my phone so that, you know, I can see how's the weather where they're at, you know, I'll like take a look and see how's the weather where my sister is. Right. Something like that. And, you know, I had this, this thought or this idea of, I would love to be able to do that for my people's inner weather. I would love for people to be able to like update just using like an emoji, like, and like, you know, just like a barometer check, like what, what's the weather of your inner world. And that way if somebody Everybody has like a tornado going on in their inner world.

Susan Like, don't need the story.

Cassidy I don't need the, but like, I would love to be able to light a candle, right? Or vice versa. So maybe I need to, to talk to the technology guy about that one too.

Susan We're going to need to prioritize though, because we've got a lot of ideas happening now.

Cassidy I know. well, and I believe in, in human design terms, I haven't looked at human design in a while, but I do recall from our, I almost called it a synastry. don't think that's astrology language, but a connection chart. You and I have that going on, actually. I think it's, I think I have the gate 41 and then you have the matched pair to it. So it's the ability to generate the new ideas and then it's the ability to discern and filter and prioritize which one actually is, it's a very, it's a very useful. Oh, that's funny. And true.

Susan And true. I think it is a very useful connection to have.

Cassidy Yes. Yes. Right.

Susan Oh, and you froze. Oh, my goodness. You froze for a second there.

Cassidy You have red bands going on.

Susan I think it was that emotional charge you suddenly had that disrupted the system there.

Cassidy For context, for those who don't know, Susan, she's kind of a pro at that. Like, with her, it was part of your thesis work. It wasn't just part of your, like, right? It wasn't just the professional development training in terms of technological facilitation.

Susan No, it was my thesis.

Cassidy Right? Like that. brought that up. Yeah.

Susan Yeah.

Cassidy Yeah. So the presence in the room when using online tools for facilitation.

Susan Yes, and how we interact with them and they interact with us, that we have to acknowledge. It's like the third party in the room. That it responds to, and different platforms respond differently to different things. But it just always has been for me that technology is like the third entity here. I can't dismiss how technology is responding.

Cassidy Well, was thinking. And, you know, it's one of those things I'm like, all right, this is like the thought that came to mind that has come to mind before is I have shared with someone before, right, about our work. And someone had said, Oh, well, I don't, I don't do online. You know, like, Oh, zoom calls, you know, the idea of like, zoom calls that maybe they already have to do it for work, and they don't want to. Do more zoom calls, right? Like that doesn't sound necessarily fun. But I'm I feel like I've written it out somewhere. The idea that it's not a drawback to have an online platform and online facilitation that through your training and subsequently my training that Actually, the online platform has really strong benefits for the work that we're doing here, not just in terms of flexibility, like the ability to have asynchronous content that can be adaptable, or, you know, you don't have to travel somewhere on a Sunday to go and meet with a fellowship. And I don't say, and see, fellowship's a little different in this context. I feel like, you know, fellowship feels like a church word, but I think of like Fellowship of the Rings, like Lord of the Rings quest. But the connection at a distance allows for even more openness. So anyway, I feel like this is a, at least an entire podcast episode unto itself, if not a seminar or like a, you know, this is a, the top, like a huge, a huge topic, but.

Susan So what's interesting is I'm having this thought come to mind and I'm like, oh, I had never thought about it this way before, ever. But this idea that taking risks online. Right. And what you say, how you behave, even the things we do in workshops. Right. Like sometimes I ask people to do some things that maybe if we were all in a group in a room together, we wouldn't be willing to do. But we always give people the option. All this time, do Like, hey, you want to shut your camera off? You want to turn your mic off to do this? No problem. And I feel like it gives people this ability to be with each other and maybe take a risk that they wouldn't have been able to take in an in-person group because they can experiment with whatever it is that we're doing by setting their camera or their mic or at least having the option to do that so they don't need to be so seen as they're, like, practicing something new. I had never thought about that before, like, what an advantage that can be. And listen, I think it's super great to be in person and take that risk, but I feel like having this online platform gives people, like, steps that they wouldn't have had. In the past, when you just either are alone in your home, or showing up at a group, I feel like this online platform gives people like choices that we never had before, in terms of exposure.

Cassidy Yeah. I totally agree. Well, and I think I noticed, I observed myself this chapter. There was a Friday where my daughter's school had a parent coffee social available in the morning. And then it was the same day that our luminaries tea, afternoon tea, was scheduled. And, you know, I was, I could feel this sort of mounting pressure of like, all right, I need to go and like, put on the, put on the. I got to get dressed. I got to like go and like try and act like a human and be regular. Right. I got to like, I'm like, okay, how do I want to answer? What do you do? Right. And it's like, okay, I can, I can field these questions in, I can translate in terms of teacher, writer, online platform, facilitation. Adult learning, human development program, like use and keep it as brief as possible. Like say the least amount as possible. And just like try and smile and do the small talk thing. And, and when it came time for it, I was like, huh, you know what? I, what if I don't go? What if I don't have to go? And like, that's something that never would have occurred to me before. My husband had suggested it. was like, you do know that you don't have to go, right? And I didn't go. I got all dressed up and I didn't go. And instead, I very much enjoyed our afternoon tea. But this isn't even, I didn't even add this yet to my page. It just popped up in my mind, this vignette of getting to choose to show up in a place and a space where I can be myself. Like there is not that like filtering or we call it mask. talking, whatever you want to call it. There's a An authenticity. Now, that's not to say, like, could there have been some benefit of going? Sure. But also, you know, I'm aware that the parents that I'm going to meet are going to, by and large, be by proxy of whom my daughter befriends. And then I'll meet those parents, you know, along the way. And I will be glad to have human, normal, muggle, whatever you want to call it. I'll be happy to have those conversations in those contexts. But I don't have to, like, put myself in those scenarios.

Susan It's reminding me of a conscious choice I made when my son was in, I guess it was elementary school, that Matthew's schooling was going to be his thing. And like you, you know, was friendly with his friend's parents and things like that. But I was never one of those parents who was like, in the classroom, overly involved, like, hover mother kind of helicopter mother thing. That was so, so common. I was just like, you know what, Matthew needs to learn how to, like, do his thing without me. And what other places he have to do that besides school, like school needs to be Matthew's thing, not my thing. I don't need to control what goes on at school. Yeah, so it just became very early on, like, not that I wasn't interested in his viewpoint or what was happening for him, but I wasn't going to insert myself. And like PTA and like all of those, those things. So I feel yeah.

Cassidy Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Susan You know, and when he did want, so me to like, be the class mother on the class trip or whatever, to like, be with his group of friends, of course, I said yes, if he was like, Oh, would you do this?

Cassidy Well, yeah. Yeah.

Susan You know, did the teacher conferences and all of that, but just chose really early not to be overly involved. Yeah.

Cassidy Yeah. What is what is coming to mind was the post I had shared about the callback stage. Uh, for folks, um, in terms of contextualizing. For myself, like, what does this stage of the journey mean or, or, or look like, and the moment for me was I saw a sign like, not just a symbolic sign, like a literal sign that said, you know what, actually, it wasn't, it wasn't like a billboard. It was in, we bought this box set of the Lord of the Rings, extended edition, and it was on the packaging from the DVD store, it said, the quest is over. And this was right at the same time that she was starting, she, as in my daughter, Clarissa, starting school for the first time. And, um, I shared how this idea of like, starting school felt like the start of a big quest, the start of a grand adventure, and it felt physically like having to like. I was like, wait, this isn't the start of the quest. What if this is actually, it's just the climax, you know, it's the final test. And, you know, it was this feeling of the mountain is behind me, not in front of me. And then, you know, I could feel my exhale extend. As I reoriented and re-contextualized, you know, you open the call with, where are we? Point out, like, where are we at? And so, to me, in that moment, it was just so practical in terms of, so practical.

Susan I just want to share for a second when. just to immediately. I just mysamen. But, And I don't think I used to think about it this way. That's why I'm kind of specifying this now for people that when I hear the climax, the final test, what I think of now is I already learned everything I need to make challenge. I don't think I ever thought about it that way early on, but now I'm like, it's the final test. I've already learned everything I need to know. I've got this. I can relax and just move through it. And so I just want to say, I loved reading your notion page this month. I was like, she, she was on it. You go girl with those bullet points. Cause like, I totally got the picture. Sure. I totally got like the full picture from you. You were, you like nailed it this month. Good girl.

Cassidy Thank you.

Susan I, however, did not really nail it in my Notion page this month. So I'll share with you what I feel like my final test was, you know, like specifically, like it was probably kind of in there, but not really saying, like, here's my final test. I really feel like my final test was around this trip to New York and, and like having to remember, like I did all the work with these cats already, like with the, with the anxiety about illness, like overcoming anxiety and fear around illness and like all the work that led up to Dawson's current. And just to be able to make a decision about what I really wanted to do without having to worry, like, is it going to be okay? How many things Billy and I were like, well, no, we're not doing that. We're not leaving Phoebe. I mean, like our lives changed so much because we couldn't leave Phoebe. And so this feels so different that we really, I mean, we've altered the length of our trip, which, you know, I'm good with, but we're still going, we're still doing the thing. And we so easily like made the arrangements for the cats to be taken care of by the perfect people. One whose name is Cat. How cute.

Cassidy So cute.

Susan So cute. So I, I really feel good about this trip. I really feel good about who we have taking care of our cats while we're gone. And I just feel like, you know what, I don't need to worry. It's taken care of. I've done what I can. Now I can relax and enjoy my trip, regardless of the outcome, regardless of the outcome, I've done the best I can. And now I can just enjoy myself. And if something were to come about as a result of my choices, or just because it was what was meant to be, then I'll deal with that with like this fullness. of Wild. Wild. Wild. Rather than having this exhausted body from stressing out about it all the way from the beginning through, you know, with, without even knowing what was going to be the reality. So for me, I feel like that was, that was the test.

Cassidy This is, that's the test this month.

Susan And I had another final test, which I didn't know it, like, it snuck up on me. Um, with Odin, so the final test with Odin standing at his chute, I don't know if you saw the videos, but I touch Odin's entire body with the brush. I should say he touches his body to the brush, like his entire body by running in a chute. Do you get like- He can't run in a chute, but he somehow manages, runs through the brush so he could experiment with the brush all along his body as I'm holding the brush there with my hand, and he does it. Success! And then he goes, you know, because they're thinkers, they think, and then I could see he says to himself, oh, holy , what did I just do?

Cassidy Oh, no!

Susan And he freaks out, and he keeps kicking, he must have kicked like 10 or 12 times in the chute.

Cassidy And I'm having to train myself to stay.

Susan And it was so hard, just like, like, I'm okay. I can stay, he's not going to hurt me, because I have this protection between us. What a huge learning to be able to stay and be present for him while he is having his tantrums, the, you know, 1500 pound tantrum. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot different than the 30 pound tantrum. Yeah.

Cassidy And we did it.

Susan We did it. It took me a while. Like if you, I don't remember how many videos I put up, but there's like this series of videos that I have. And like the video where I'm holding the brush and you can see in slow motion, like the bristles bending up against his body. Right. As it like goes all along from like his shoulder through his butt. And by the time he gets to the butt or by the time the brush gets to his butt, he's picked up so much speed and he's so big. Like I. And I'm so off of him and kind of go flying back. And I'm like almost startled. It can see like in my face, I'm like startled in some of the videos. But in the end, we both did it. We both survived it. And when he walks back into the barn, he has a routine. I should explain.

Cassidy He has a routine.

Susan He has to be in the barn before he starts his session. Then he walks into the round pen. Then he gets himself prepared, walks through the chute into the mini round pen, has to circle around, and then goes into the chute. And then we close the doors. Like he's got his routine. When he's done, he comes out of the chute, and then goes back into the barn. And then he gets treated. So by the time we're back in the barn, after this session, after he's kicking the out of this thing, this chute that he's in, and I mean, his hoof must have been sore because his leg in the videos, I could see like the middle of his leg up out the top of the wood. So he was kicking, he was kicking hard, like, if he had kicked me, I would have been crushed. I would, I mean, he can kick that boy. But we get back into the barn. And he's like, Hi, Mom, got my treats for me? I mean, he was fine. He was like coming up just like, yeah, okay, I'll take treats. And then of course, when you don't give him treats quickly enough. He's like looming. like in your face like this. Like, where are my trees? Now, most of you aren't going to actually see this video.

Cassidy You'll just hear us.

Susan But my face was totally up in the camera. And that's... It has like no fear, like coming. Hey, hey, people, where are my treats? So I feel like we had great success. Another huge, a huge final test to withstand the, the biggest fear around being like with a horse is, is the kick. And I feel like, yeah, maybe he'll do it some more. But I feel like I can stay present for it. And I fully trust that he will work through it and move to the next step. So I mean, huge, like huge success for Odin this year.

Cassidy mean, I'm so proud.

Susan I'm such a proud mama. I just feel like he has been so great. So So courageous this year, really. And I mean, he's just such a character. He's really funny. He's like, I've done enough performing.

Cassidy I've practiced enough. Where are my treats?

Susan Treat time, people. Yeah, so that those I feel like those were my, my big challenges my, and my my tests, my big final tests. And then we had the totally unexpected come up. Sort of. Like I knew, when I said I wanted to do a constellation around Odin, you know, it wasn't just going to be about Odin, like, obviously, because if it was just about Odin, then like, What would have been the point right like there had to be something that wasn't seen and so I'm at this constellation workshop on Saturday not my constellation and somebody else is talking and as this thing is unfolding Odin's picture nobody was near the table nobody near the table nothing all of a sudden Odin's picture. falls over with a bang it was like in a like a thick I don't know would it be loose sight those clear plastic heavy frames where they the two magnetized the two sides magnetized together and so it's thick enough like an inch thick where it would just stand it falls over not only does it fall over But somebody had brought this little thing that was ancestral. It was from her family's lineage. And it was a bell. It falls over, hits this bell, smacks the bell flying, the bell rings. So everybody takes note. It's like this obvious event in the room that it falls over when someone in the room was talking about depression. And I was like, okay, thank you for showing me that. And let's explore it. Let's explore this relationship between depression in my family lineage and Odin. And so that was my, that was what my constellation was about. And so So super interesting in my patrilineal line and the history of depression and suicide down through my family and the information that came out through that was really quite remarkable. So, yeah, another, I feel like another, I don't know that I want to call it a final test, but I feel like definitely part of that climax, like this unearthing and clarity that comes, you know, as you like complete the quest. It's like, oh, yeah. Oh, I see. I see. And of course, the name of the workshop was Sing With New Eyes. And so. So there was so much clarity that came about through that. So very cool. Yeah, super cool.

Cassidy That is super cool.

Susan Yeah, really super cool. Maybe this should lead into our Dixit cards because of that patrilineal connection. Because I feel like it showed up in my Dixit card.

Cassidy Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. All right. And if you're new here, you can actually see these Dixit storytelling cards on our show notes page on the website. But I had never seen yours before. I'll let you describe it. But I feel like the umbrella has shown up before.

Susan I actually have gotten this card. I don't know. It hasn't been recently. It was a card that had gotten a while back. I don't remember even what year it was that I got it. I don't think it was this year. Maybe last year or the year before. I had gotten this card once before.

Cassidy Okay.

Susan So let me just describe the card for a moment. So let me take a breath. There is a picture of a little girl who's got her red shoes on and her red jacket on. And she's standing on a rock, which at first I didn't feel was significant. I didn't even notice it. But then it really rang true for me that she's standing on a rock. And she is holding a man's hand, who is quite separate from her, but, you know, close enough that they're holding hands. And he is holding an umbrella, a giant yellow gold umbrella over the two of them, large enough that it extends well beyond the two of them. And while there is something coming from like one corner of the sky, I don't know what that actually is. It doesn't really look like rain to me. I don't know what it is, but it could be rain. Um, but the interesting thing is that there is like this huge golden cast on the ground, um, under their feet and almost creating like this golden path, um, beyond them, um, in both directions. And, um, they're looking at each other, like their gazes, um, under Um. Um... I don't know how to describe their gays. Do you have a word for their gays? I mean, they're both smiling, but it's not like, it's not like, oh, we're having such a good time smiling. I mean, a good time here, like that's why they're smiling.

Cassidy It's just kind of like, I want to call it like a knowing smile. There you go. Yeah. Like lips are together. It's not like a cheese smile.

Susan It's a, there you go.

Cassidy A Mona Lisa smile.

Susan Yeah. And so that's the card. I found it not only interesting in how it summarizes the cards of the entire chapter, but also to pick that card, just to f And so let me go there first, because I spoke specifically about the little rock she's standing on, right? And the first thing that came to mind with the rock was she stands firmly on her own ground, like grounded, like solid on a rock. Which I thought was impressive, and the fact that she has like her little red shoes, and that's just like a wink to Ron Young, and the red boots, and like this grounding meditation, I feel like it really speaks to that, and she's even got the red raincoat on, which it carries through her whole body in a way, like that grounded, solid presence. It's a way that I never actually felt as a child. You know, I feel like that truly eluded me as a child. And that has come out in some of the healing work that I have done. So very, very specific imagery. Um, and then we have this golden umbrella, this idea of, um, like masculine protection coming through. Um, and, uh, like with the sense of individuality, he's not holding her, she's not clinging to him. Um, and the umbrella is big enough to like cover both of them with room to spare. Um, and I couldn't help but connect that golden color to the golden crown of that thinking person who was looking over at your. That umbrella, that golden umbrella, really, just my mind immediately went to the golden crown of the thinker below it and how it mirrored that. Um, but that said, I also, I couldn't help but connect the card above it, the one with the nurturer, protector, mother energy that we had talked about. And what came to mind is the expression that Ron has said, Ron Young, again, one of my, I'll call him my root teachers. Um, what he has said, and I just got goosebumps now, um, over and over and over again, which is the mother takes you to the father. And so as the heart's desire. Prior, we had this mother figure who is protective of the child, nurturing the child, who is able to reach toward the sky, and then in the picture below it, it's like the little girl is there with the father, and so that really felt significant to me, and I feel like, yeah, like the little seed, right? We have that seed in both of those pictures in the heart's desire position and the action position, and I feel like, yeah, that little seed, look, she's so solid now, the little seedling, the little girl, she's solid. She's growing, she's golden. I really, I just thought that was really quite something, how Dixacard depicted this art. All of those things in some, I don't think I could have, I couldn't have created the imagery myself more perfectly, like definitely not, like Spirit definitely did the good job there, you know?

Cassidy Yes. Uncannily coherent between the image of that mother and child and then the father and child. And not just coherent within this spread, but also going back to summer solstice, there was a message around being held by the divine mother and divine father. And quite literally, both of these figures are holding the mother closer with the arm around, but, you know, and the father here, the holding of the hand, but. There's a holding that is, is right here. So really beautiful.

Susan Another thing that I find interesting is, we spoke about very clearly and like kind of looked at each image about the gaze and how the gaze is of the little girl looking directly to the father and the father back at the child, which I've, I don't I, you know, take that beyond the literal father into the great father source creation. And like, that gives me chills. Like, I think that, that, that imagery is so beautiful. Like we look toward God and God looks back upon us. I think that's really, really beautiful. And the other thing about this that just came to mind, I had. I, The. You know, I had spoken about the, like the rock, but this just came to mind about, there are several like stones in this picture kind of scattered about on the ground. And I'm like, Oh, what an interesting way to think about obstacles. Like, you know, if you think of the stones or the boulders as obstacles, she just hops on top and like, it's like surmounting them.

Cassidy Like, yeah, you just climb up, right? Yeah. big deal.

Susan No boulders too big, you know, just climb up as, as her way of negotiating, right? Like you, you go through.

Cassidy Yeah, totally. That's that. So the boulders reference is in reference to the I am word or I am the word material as received by Paul Selig. And a a boulder. Being an obstruction in consciousness, composite, large belief that is held together by many small thoughts or beliefs, but it's instead of the elephant in the room, it's the boulder in your field of consciousness that can serve as the obstruction, the challenge along your heroic journey that you have to move through in order to continue on your way, on your soul's evolutionary journey. But I do, I love this idea of the shamanic ability is to take any challenge, any curse and transmute and turn it into a blessing or a tool in this instance. So the girl climbing on top of the boulder in order to get closer to reach the father is, that's a good one.

Susan Yeah, I think it's just beautiful. I mean, like. I And I said, I couldn't have created a better image.

Cassidy Yeah. Yeah. Well, and, you know, when you mentioned the gaze, one of the things that I hadn't noticed in the juxtaposition with the mother and father cards is, you know, the mother is having this field awareness. She is looking out and scanning, and that's that divine feminine field awareness of being able to know where the kids are, what the stove is doing, what the, you know, it's not multitasking, but it's this field awareness of what's going on, which then allows the child isn't looking for the mother's attention. The child then has the safe container with which to wonder and explore, knowing that the mother, the feminine is there. Whereas in the other image, the father is looking directly at the child. And, you know, that's the masculine one-pointed focus. Yes. We're going say the same thing, that one-pointed focus. Tiger mode. Tiger mode. Yeah. The evolutionary ability to hone and focus. And you can see that the little girl is looking back. So there's this reciprocity of gaze. And it's so true, like, watching my daughter with her papa. And, you know, how she just can't get enough of his attention.

Susan Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Cassidy Cannot get enough.

Susan Yeah. And so...

Cassidy Yeah, I think that that juxtaposition says so much about human behavior. Yeah.

Susan Yes. It's like archetypal. It really is. I feel like this spread is so archetypal. I think it really is. And there's nothing wrong with that. It is what it is, right?

Cassidy Yeah. Um, yeah.

Susan I just, uh, yeah, I see it totally.

Cassidy Oh, man. Yeah.

Susan Yeah.

Cassidy Hmm.

Susan I'm really quite beautiful to me. Mm-hmm.

Cassidy Mm-hmm. Really quite beautiful. Very much so.

Susan And, you know, Yeah. Thank Interestingly, how that anguish card comes up in the same chapter where the constellations come up, because what are constellations doing but taking you to the anguish level, where you reach the anguish level so that the constellation can be healing, however you want to look at it. And I find it super interesting that that anguish card shows up at this at this moment, you know, mm hmm, super healing.

Cassidy Mm hmm.

Susan Anything else that you want to say about that? Because I feel pretty complete.

Cassidy Yeah, you know, I was like scanning the the antenna to see if it was. I'm up anything else, but no, that feels, that feels true and complete.

Susan Oh, one other thing that I'll just briefly say, because I don't feel like I need to get into all of the detail, but just to acknowledge to you how after picking this card in the evening last night, I then have that dream overnight about my first husband, former husband, however you want to call it, giving me this tremendous house as a gift. I do feel like those two things. It um, could also be related. I feel like that, that dream obviously was very timely, no, no coincidences around that. Um, and I connect that to this idea of the golden umbrella, um, and the, uh, being able to receive from the masculine, this changed idea about, um, the masculine, um, maybe even my own animus, um, I just feel like no coincidences that that was definitely like in perfect order there.

Cassidy All right.

Susan I'm ready to move on because I am so intrigued. I'm like, what's up girl? Tell me more.

Cassidy Which part is intriguing?

Susan This Dixit card you picked, I'm like, what a flashback to last chapter.

Cassidy Last chapter, yes. So folks may notice that this is the exact same Dixit card that I had last chapter.

Susan Oh, goodness.

Cassidy Yeah, yeah. That's one of the reasons I really enjoy working with cards as a modality is because they will let you know. So that's cool.

Susan They let you know what's what, don't they?

Cassidy That's cool. That's cool. cool. We're still, we're integrating here the lessons. So specifically, the card that carried over from chapter eight is. The, you can call it the big bad wolf, question mark. So you have the wolf in the red apron holding the puppets of a pig and the little girl who's scolding the wolf. And the wolf is in the kitchen, the pot is boiling on the stove, and this wolf is like looking very concerned about, you know, what the girl is giving him a telling to, a telling off, a scolding.-hmm.

Susan So I'm seeing. I'm this picture a little bit differently. I'm noticing something just a little bit different today about it. All right. So what I'm noticing more today than in last month is the way the fur on the wolf looks.

Cassidy It appears it's almost like he's quaking in his face.

Susan The fur is kind of shaky, like wavy, shaky looking. To me, it's like he's quaking in his boots in this image.

Cassidy Yeah. Well, and so we have, we explored last time about, you know, the wolf being like, oh, I'm not really a bad guy. I'm not really a villain. And like the, in the story of Three Little Pigs and Red Riding Hood, the wolf is the villain. And the wolf's like, no, you don't understand. I'm actually like, I'm a good, I'm a nice guy. I'm a nice guy. I'm But then coming to recognize and understand that he's the one animating these puppets and the voices in his head. And so there's that. And there's the irony, like you were saying, that it looks like the wolf is scared and the wolf forgets and doesn't realize that he's the wolf. He's the scary one. And the continuing message about being the hunter and not the hunted and integrating the inner wolf, the instinctual nature and wildness and a ferocity, a ferociousness, a certain ferociousness. And, you know, notably. So, He has the red apron, which is a fun, the artist, it's a fun play on like the red riding hood, but he has the red apron, but, which to me, it's kind of mirrors the red in the trench coat and the coats. I totally agree.

Susan Yes.

Cassidy So these are root survival issues, that red root survival, fear instinct issues. And also, again, at the top of the solar story, the, I think it was chapter one, I titled it Seeing Red, and this theme of the wolf and red riding hood is coming full circle here. And actually the wolf, in terms of our methodology of synchronicity here, we had the wolves in the full moon. Carp for my, for mine. They had the wolves there, Wolf and the Dixie card. And then for our writing group, we actually incorporate Cartomancy into our writing group work as well. And so someone had pulled from the herbal astrology text, Arnica, which is also known as Wolfsbane.

Susan Right?

Cassidy As this particular spread that came to me was a spread for working through writer's block. And what was on the other side of the writer's block was one of the cards was Arnica or Wolfsbane or the teacher archetype. And, uh, the Wolf medicine being, it can't, so there's like leadership, but it's the being able to hold onto your unique individuality within a group or a, a pack. And I feel like you actually went into the wolf symbolism when we did the full moon vlog, too.

Susan Yes, yes, because I had had that dream with the wolves. Right, that's what it was.

Cassidy You had a dream with the wolf. So loyalty, intuition, instinctual intelligence, holding your unique power within a community, being fiercely loyal to your people, while upholding unique talent. So it's that juxtaposition of that unique authenticity within the context of your folks whom you trust. And so that the guidance around trust for this chapter. So we have the wolf that has been an ongoing thing. And this integration of the ferociousness as the arc or a thread for the year is, I'm say about it, it definitely shows up now in the final showdown. And there is this really beautiful mirroring, too, between myself and my journey this year, and then my daughter, the final test of her starting school, as well as my own journey. So there's this beautiful mirroring there. So I mentioned it at some point along this journey that for our MVP challenge, which is minimum viable practice. Spiritual practice, 120 days of spiritual practice. I committed to 120 days of fists of anger. It's kundalini yoga practice. It's only three minutes, but it packs a punch. And so, yes, you're going to bring up and clear out anger, but really what it is is cold depression. Clearing cold depression, clearing things that are so buried that there's like a numbness, an inability to even touch that within you.

Susan And I'll just add, like clinically, um, psychologists will often describe, um, depression is anger turned inward.

Cassidy Mm.

Susan Just to share that, I don't mean to interrupt, but I felt like I had a little bit of a depth of context there.

Cassidy No, that was a perfect interjection. So the anger turned inward. And so how this kind of got mirrored with my daughter is that a couple chapters back, you know, when we were going through crucible season, that intensity of the alchemical change, she was really struggling with the tantrums and emotional dysregulation, which, of course, is a reflection of the adults' dysregulation, right? And so I really went into professional mode, you know, having been. . . . . . . I'm like, okay, I'm trained in this. We can, we can, we can do this. And, you know, having the, a couple of tools like some flower remedies, and I'll even put, as a recommendation, I'll put them in the show notes. I used kindergarten. And then also there was a practitioner who had a first day of school remedy with some flower essences, nemulus, olive, walnut, and honeysuckle. So providing the emotional support with the, those very, very gentle remedies. And then also working with, we got our emotions flip book and getting to identify and. You know, what the different feelings are, and working on routine, you know, the way that you were describing Odin and his routine, and he loves his treats. I mean, you really could have been talking about my three-year-old, like, right?

Susan I know. And what is so interesting, like, another little bell rang in my head as you were talking about the anger and depression. And even I'm, as I say, oh, psychologists, you know, often will speak about depression as anger turned inward. And it clicked with me. It's like, oh, yeah, Odin. Odin has been suffering from this depression. And, like, he totally shut down, protected himself after being in the rodeo and that trauma. And now we show. He started kicking again, which he hasn't done, you know, in the three years that he's been with the ranch. And now he's showing his anger. And he's kicking.

Cassidy I'm like, let's work through it.

Susan Let's work. Yeah, you got this. Like, that's pretty remarkable to me that, you know, if we look at it as a healing process, for him. And he is kind of coming out of his shell and like breaking through that depression. It's like now he's expressing his anger.

Cassidy But those, wow, nasty, nasty kicks.

Susan Yes. So yeah, very cool. Right. And interesting how it shows up just in the time that you are going through this as well. I think that's, you know, very synchronous. Also, this healing of anger or healing of depression by acknowledging that it really was underneath it all like this unresolved anger, you know, and the safety that has to be present in order to be able to express that so beautiful. Yeah.

Cassidy Yeah, like deeply repressed rage and how a wise practitioner can look at that not as acting out or manipulation or like bad behavior or whatever, but as indicators of healing, as positive indicators of healing. You know, it was one of the things that I had made note of is when I had done the neurofeedback brain map, I had had a couple of red dots on my report card. One was anger and the other was filtering difficulties. auestas. sextierf idiさ reasons that this I But, like, for the anger one, like, there can be this propensity given our conditioning to be, like, oh, this is the thing that's wrong. And so what can I do to fix that? Like, and how can I – and what's the way that I can fix it without having to actually, like, feel it?

Susan Or, like, can we just – can we – right? And, like, it's like – Right.

Cassidy It's like, ooh, here, I'll do this, like, spiritual tool thing, and it'll help me just, like, get rid of the anger. And then I'll get my green – I'll get my green sticker. And it's like, well, no, when you – actually, you're going to – when you commit to a practice like that, you're – it's an accelerant. You are going to bring up the anger. It is going to start this. Intentionally.

Susan Right.

Cassidy Intentionally, you're going to feel it. Intentionally. Like So as long as you have that awareness, like you are choosing to face it and to feel it and that being a positive indicator of progress. But, you know, to be aware that, you know, for instance, me being irrationally stressed or concerned that she wasn't going to be ready to be potty trained, like for when we decided she was going to go to school. And then like this kind of gripping around like this control around like the potty training thing. And then it's like as soon it's just like the sensitivity of Odin, like he can feel everything in terms of this regulation of needing to be able to be that presence, just like in your cards, needing to be that calm and grounded presence. And it's like, man, she will mirror for me so fast. I am not, when I am off, right? So it was my work not to avoid seeing that, but to look at it very clearly and to respond maturely and to be there as Which is not easy, by the way, sometimes. No, and it is not 100% consistent, like, this is like, it's a practice, it's a practice. But it's like, all right, let me take a breath, and I'm going to break out the stuffed animals, and we're doing puppets, and we're doing treats, and we're making it fun, and we're reading books about poop, and it's fun, you know? And we got there, right? We got there. And so when, so this, she's been a few weeks into school now, so her starting school coincided with the, the final test, and There was into like the second week, maybe the third week, like that transition, I was like, I was so proud of her. And I was popping myself on the shoulder, like, in terms of how well the transition went, like all the prep of reading the school stories and the remedies and the immune system support and the like, I mean, just given it, given it are all. But inevitably, you know, a night without good sleep, or, you know, whatever it is, like, her temper, you know, shows up in the classroom as growling, which is so funny, because it's like the wolf thing and the temper thing. This is what I'm saying about the mirroring, where she's like, she's growling at people. And in my, and Matthew reminds me, he's like, that's great. Like, that's really good news. Like, you know, growling is bad. Better than hitting. Right. There are real incidents of hitting, biting, when you're dealing with toddlers.

Susan Yeah, exactly. So yeah, I agree with Matthew. Good job, because it's still using her voice. She's expressing herself. She may not have words for the feeling yet.

Cassidy Right.

Susan But she was expressing in a nonviolent way.

Cassidy Yep. Well, and so the teachers are working with her on like, use your words, use your words.

Susan And, you know, like, that's a very difficult neuro, like cognitive process, like to have such a raw. For me still. For me still. Right?

Cassidy That is difficult. Especially when it comes when the feeling arises out of this pre verbal place. Yes.

Susan Like, I don't think that people. Ignore. I that enough when these feelings come from a pre-verbal place and, you know, sorry, but all you people who are so quick to, and I'm not talking about you, I'm talking like in general, you people out there, all that, all the new people out there who sit in the psychologist's office and whatever, and who so easily put words to, oh, how they're feeling, sorry. But I don't believe you, because if you really listen to people nine times out of 10, what they're doing is they're talking about these intense feelings over a current situation, and I'm sorry, but that's not the truth, that isn't the truth about where those feelings are coming from. And so much of it comes from these early developmental periods, where we don't actually have language for what the feelings are, and you're just externalizing the feeling onto the moment and pointing fingers at all of the people and the issues in this moment that are really meant to be just mirrors as indicators for what's happening within you, not in the world.

Cassidy Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, and that is that mirror reflecting wisdom and the reflecting pool. If you've seen the summer spread, and it's worth going back to, like, yes, that is that wisdom. And so... For me, it's actually deeply healing, too, because there were, you know, it's like the stories that were handed to you about who you are or who you were as a child, you know, and I got handed stories like that I was a monster, you know, and I had these anger issues that I would, you know, scream and have these huge fits and bang my head, hit my head on the floor and wreck the car and, you know, so for me, to be able to see my daughter's, like, pure, it's like pure energy, like, this pure, clean, pure, clean anger, and not create a story about it or a judgment about her.

Susan So profound. To be able, I just, yeah, I got the full, the full chills. Like, I

Cassidy I see my entire, the strength of my entire matrilineal line, you know, like, so it's an interesting thing to, like, I don't want to teach that anger is bad or unacceptable, that you have to repress it. It's like, okay, yes, we're going to learn how to express in a healthy way.

Susan But so let me just go ahead, because this is what Odin and I are doing right now, right? I'm teaching him, like, we're creating boundaries, like, and for Odin, it's physical boundaries. And sometimes for a kid who is going to potentially hurt themselves by banging their head and expression of anger, you want to create boundaries for their safety.

Cassidy Same thing.

Susan It's like you need to teach the expression in a boundary way. happy about that." Same Um, and let them work through it without like punishment. Like Odin shouldn't be punished for expressing his rage and anger, um, about what happened to him, but that's what happened in the past for him. Is that he was abused for expressing his anger about what was going on. And so for us now to have created this safe space for him to move through and express these things, that is what helps to heal and to bring it like for him to move through it. So it isn't there anymore in his behavior because he will have worked through it. Um, it's no different. You're, you're doing the same, like we're doing. You're the same things I'm doing with an animal, you are doing it with with your daughter, you know, it's just, I feel like we're, we're mirroring each other in that way, creating these, these boundary places for the expression of all emotions.

Cassidy Mm hmm. Yeah, well, and the the safety part two is not being allowed to express anger or like the demonization of anger does not beget safety. You know, it's kind of like the, I don't get angry. Or, you know, what's coming to mind is like, and what about Bob, you got Richard Dreyfuss as the psychologist, and he's like trying to use the puppets. And, you know, like, by the end, you can see he's like trying to. Like, have this button-downed, like, perfect image, and he just, like, loses it by the end. So, yeah, like, we don't get angry in this household. Right.

Susan Until, like, there's, like, a huge blow-up, and it's so ugly. Yeah, yeah.

Cassidy So, yes, there is anger in this household, but the beautiful thing is our container within our little family here of being able to, like, negotiate that between all three of us. So sometimes if, you know, Matthew and I are angry, like, we are very unfiltered in our, you know, in life. And so if we're upset, sometimes Clarissa gets to be rough, and she'll say, all right, calm down, calm down. And we're like, all right, she's right. She's like, and it's so beautiful that. Um, so we're talking about strategies and tools and like things that she can do. And the best way for her to learn that, of course, is role modeling. Like if I never lose my cool, how is she going to learn what to do when she loses her cool? Um, so it's so sweet. She'll be like, okay, take a breath. Take a breath.

Susan That is so adorable. You just need it.

Cassidy Mommy, take a breath. Papa, take a breath. Yeah. Uh, it's so sweet. Or, uh, we've learned like, uh, she'll say, I need a minute and I need a minute. I need to walk away for a minute. And so then she'll go and walk behind a corner or something and you'll hear her breath. She'll go, you'll hear her breathing. And then she'll come back around the corner and she said. right. she'll come I feel much calmer now.

Susan That's so sweet. So sweet. I mean, and such a gift, you know, I mean, I'm like smiling, and it's sweet. But I also recognize just how profound the teaching is, and what a tremendous gift it is that you give your child and being able to demonstrate the tools. And for her to be able to articulate them in such an adorable way.

Cassidy I mean, it's just so cute. Well, and of course, the trick is to learn and practice in where there's no stakes, right, where it's almost gamified. Like, oh, we're looking at the flip book. We're talking about, like, what the different strategies are. And then we role play. Okay, you pretend you're angry. Now I'm going to pretend I'm angry. Or, you know, then, because it's not automatic when you're having those big feelings to think, Oh.

Susan Oh. I can, right?

Cassidy The scripting. It's okay to feel blank. It's okay to feel angry. It's not okay to insert aggressive behavior here. Right? And so, yeah, as a final test, it just seemed profound to have this really beautiful mirror of the relationship to anger. And this integration. And, oh, another one. That's a good one. Like, I mean, even this morning, God, I was getting her out the door. We were going and I opened the front door and the sprinklers, the automatic sprinklers are on in the yard. And there's like three of them between the front door and the car. And I'm like, I'm like, oh, all right, hang on just a minute and then we'll go together. Okay. And you have to be very precise in your language when you're communicating things because in her mind, she thought, oh, we're going to run through the sprinklers together. Whereas mommy's point was no wait so that we can avoid the sprinklers together.

Susan Oh, gosh. And I say, that's like, I'm like, okay, come on, let's go.

Cassidy And she goes and she runs right through the sprinklers and she goes and she stands like right in front of the sprinkler and she just gets like, so wet. I lose my core. like, no. no, no, no, no, Thank And I, like, forcefully, like, grab her and try and, like, haul her out of the sprinkler.

Susan ruined it! And she's like, what did I do wrong?

Cassidy Oh my god, she's, like, screaming and crying, and it's seven o'clock in the morning, and we're out in the front of the house, and she said, we were gonna go together. Like, she's like, she's so upset. What? And I was like, God, I lost my, I lost my . I lost my . I was too rough. And I, like, I'm like, I take my breath, and I'm like, all right, make the, the, it's like, the practice is like, you know, how, what's the gap between, like, the incident and making the repair? And can you... It's like, it's not that these things are never going to happen. It's how are you going to, like, develop the response in closing the gap? So me being able to say, like, drop down, get to her eye level. I'm sorry. Mommy was, Mommy was too rough. I, I got worried, you know, and she's still upset, like she was, she was upset. And I got her in her seat. She's still upset. And I said, and granted, like, I make it sound like I cooled down a lot faster than I actually did. But I was like, Mommy gets worried because if you get all wet, your classroom is very cold. They keep it very cold. And you're, you're soaking wet. And I get concerned that you're going to get sick. Mommy gets worried. I'm sorry that I was so rough. Mommy was too rough. I was too rough. I'm sorry. Okay. I love you. Can I, can I have a do-over? And that is, that is a become, it's a common thing. like Clarissa will do too. Like she'll do something to piss off Papa and he'll like go upstairs and then she'll recollect herself. And then she'll go run to the bottom of the stairs and she'll say, Papa, can I have? And that's the thing in this household. You always get a do-over. You're always allowed to express what you authentically feel, try to do it in a healthy way. And there is the, there is consistent love, you know, that unconditional like, and yes, of course, you always get a do-over and we can give each other a hug and we can say sorry and we can tell each other we love each other and then we move on. And so that was just, that was just this morning.

Susan Right. And I mean, what a, what a good lesson also that could be talked about some other time with her about miscommunication, right? Like you meant one thing and she took it as something totally different and like nobody was at fault, right? It wasn't her fault. It wasn't your fault. I mean, like take responsibility for your reaction.

Cassidy Sure. Right.

Susan But that, that miscommunications happen. Yes.

Cassidy And you know, there are ways to reconcile and, you know, bring understanding. Like you just need to recognize that it happens. Yeah. Yeah. And then you don't have to fear anger.

Susan Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Cassidy Yeah. So, yeah, it's, I feel like the other piece to integrating this and the sort of final thing is a certain self-advocacy of being able to say no or not yet, or the share I had in heartbeat that I had seen Wag your finger at the wolf. Yeah. Right? Right? Yeah. Yeah. Is anything else standing out to you?

Susan Well, I asked you this last month also, like, how do you connect your Dixit theme card with the rest of the cards? Like, how do you see it representing the theme in the pictures or in the other positions? Like, how does it bring it together in terms of what's the heart's desire, what the heart's desire was and what the action card was, what you were letting go of, or what had ended? How do you see that kind of coming together? I'm asking because I actually didn't have the opportunity to think about it prior. Like, had seen your card late last night and then got into a little... discussion with ChatGPT about my dream and that your question about the color from my dream. So I didn't actually have an opportunity to think this through for myself.

Cassidy So I'm just curious if you have any thoughts about how it all comes together. Hmm.

Susan Or if it does, I mean, maybe it doesn't come together right now, you know, and, which is all good. But I wonder if you see something in that.

Cassidy Well, you know, I feel like this conversation, you know, sometimes the it emerges, you know, as you as you sit with it, right, as you talk to talk to it, right. In the heart's desire, you have the patriarch, plus the child of cups, which is, to me, actually reminiscent of your Dixit card.

Susan Right, right. We had talked about that originally.

Cassidy Yes. Right, the the child. Plus the Heavenly Father, the masculine there, and the emotional safety or like that safety. Plus, then you have this card of trust. And so there's this sense of being able to feel, experience, explore, integrate that anger with those whom you trust. And then, obviously, the wolves. I had pointed that out before, the emergence of the subconscious material. And I think with some of that. The emergence of the subconscious material and things that the body holds and the emotional stuff. My reflection on the filtering difficulties part, you know, relates to that. The filtering difficulties, meaning when the thalamus doesn't really act as full gatekeeper between the influx of data to the cortex, meaning there's just this overwhelm or hypersensitivity of information that gets taken in. And so it can read as hypervigilance to what a micro expression someone has or what someone says. And there's a history of not being able, for myself personally, of not being able to trust what people say. There's an incongruency between what someone is saying and what someone is doing and what their actual intentions are. And so you. You grow up your entire life not trusting or being able to trust that somebody is saying what they actually mean. And so then you create these voices in your head that people are out to get you or that they, you know, you can't, you're trying to read everyone's body language or the punctuation in their text message to try and as a red flag, it reads as a warning signal. And it can feel really exhausting. And it can almost feel like it's better to just not interact at all with other human beings than it is to have to interact in this way. The filtering difficulties can also show up as overstimulation in certain environments. But that is, that is there. I feel like we need to have a podcast on what you just said when you notice.

Susan No, I do. Because I think we come from very similar backgrounds in that way. When, as a child, you notice that there is an incongruence between the words and what you sense and see and feel. And as an adult, what you do with that and how you respond and what you do. Internally for yourself. I feel like that is an entire podcast in and of itself. When I read your notion page around that. One, one little thought bubble came to mind specifically, which I had kind of worked out with my therapist many, many years ago, which was what other people think of you is not. Which I love. I love that. And I feel like there is so much truth in that. Like you can't, like you can't read into people's heads and worry about what other people are thinking because what they're thinking is literally their issues. I mean, their issues are totally playing out in their thoughts about you. Not your issues. Their issues are playing out in their thoughts. So that was a thought bubble that came to mind as I was reading that. And the other thing that I have personally found helpful in my interactions with people like that is to stop analyzing them. Recognize like I know the truth. the truth. But not respond necessarily to the truth behind the whole, I'm going to call it shenanigans, for lack of a better word.

Cassidy Yes, I love that word.

Susan That's reminding me of Odin's shenanigans too. Don't react to the shenanigans. With people like this, sometimes reacting face value, just react to their words. Just respond to their words, and not to what you know is behind it. And see what happens with that. To me, that's a very interesting thing to watch, because you know what you're doing, right? I understand within myself what I'm seeing. What I'm hearing. And it's like, if that's the road we're going down, okay, I can respond to who you're being in this moment, and what you're what you want me to think, you know, not that I'm going to give myself away in any way, then, like, if it doesn't feel right, like if the answer would need to be no for something, because I know that there's incongruence, and I don't want to get into it. Then, of course, the answer would be like, you know, no, thank you, or not available, whatever. But let it be my own private information that I understand what's really happening here. And just keep, if that's what you want me to believe, if that's what you think I'm going to believe is what you're saying, okay, we can do we can play that game. I know how to play that game. Very different things happen. What I'm hearing. And it's like, if that's the road we're going down, okay, I can respond to who you're being in this moment, and what you're what you want me to think, you know, not that I'm going to give myself away in any way, then, like, if it doesn't feel right, like if the answer would need to be no for something, because I know that there's incongruence, and I don't want to get into it. Then, of course, the answer would be like, you know, no, thank you, or not available, whatever. But let it be my own private information that I understand what's really happening here. And just keep, if that's what you want me to believe, if that's what you think I'm going to believe is what you're saying, okay, we can do we can play that game. I know how to play that game. Very different things happen.

Cassidy When we can do that, rather than doing all the damn work in the relationship, that's that. So that is where the behavior comes from. For me, it's not that I want to play a game, but it is my boundary of I'm not going to do all the effing work. Yeah. And, of course, you need to be ready for the chasm, the giant gaping hole that lays between you two, then you have to be ready for that. But I'd rather have that than the exhaustion and the heartache of doing all the work in the relationship. Mm hmm. It's so empowering. It's so empowering to take people at face value. Mm hmm. And respond to that, what they're even though, you know. Even though you know. Even though you know what's happening. I love that. Yeah, you know, the final sort of completion card of change, and we talked about this at Full Moon, is powerful because the idea is that through the course of a year, one solar story, one annual heroic journey, that change happens, that you are not the same person you were when you began. And with the wolf card here connecting that, the idea of one of the things I observed is the mind has its conditioned and habituated reactions to how, you know, you're supposed to.

Susan Respond, but then this coming online, this reawakening of the instinctual nature, the body says no, or the intuition, the heart says no. And sometimes it can be challenging. I was describing this to Matthew, the discernment or the, sometimes you can feel these two things in conflict within yourself. What does it actually take to change this habituated pattern and trust the instinctual nature again? And I feel like that is part of reclaiming the inner wolf. So there we go. I did it. We tied some of the cards in.

Cassidy Yeah.

Susan Awesome. Um, there was something that just ran through my mind, but it ran so quickly. I may have.

Cassidy I've been left in the dust to see if I can, if I can catch up to it. Oh, I know what I was thinking. Um, so we've, for a while now we have changed the way we originally started this work. And I don't know why this has come to mind. Um, but let's just go back for a moment and recollect how we started with an entire heroic journey in a month, and I want to know from you, how are you feeling about the change from a heroic journey in a month to a heroic journey in a year? Well, and that's, it makes sense to me why that came to your mind, because we… it? Good. It does. Because, well, the change card showed all four seasons. And part of discussing that card was discussing the pace of nature and the pace of organic change. And so, and, right, and life is beautiful in this way, in the way that everything is constructed, including your ego personality, the moon, the psyche. When you're looking at it from, like, the evolutionary astrology lens, we talk about cataclysmic or catastrophic change versus this kind of incremental… I keep forgetting what the word is that Jeffrey Wolfgreen uses, but maybe I'll find… Find… … I'll find it eventually, but you get the gist is that when you don't adhere to the soul's clarion call, the call to adventure, like, you know, and you resist change, which is, you don't feel bad. That is also, it's part, the pull towards the, what feels familiar is a deeply human thing, but life itself, the whole cosmos, everything is designed to gently move us along to the growing edge of our soul's evolutionary intentions in a given lifetime and orienting the way that we do to these natural cycles and all the processes we have assist in that process of moving. With the gradual and assisted change, which is why we were guided to slow the roll and a heroic journey does not happen. In a month. Actually, the fact that, you know, if you're committing to a heroic journey over the course of one year, even that for some people is, it is heroic. And I was reflecting, I was reflecting on this that I was like, whoa, the changes, the healing, the personal healing, the things I've, you know, faced, the things that I've moved through, and the integration, like it's been, this is the thing, it's been gentle enough that I've been able to actually integrate it.

Susan But looking back, since we started this work, whoa, I'm like, it works. I mean, it's, even a year is, you'll be amazed at how much can happen. And how much you can change, how much healing, and how much beauty and joy and celebration, how much will happen in one year. Drop the mic. Boom. Well said. Thank you. You know why it's like a good lead up to the end. Any other thoughts coming to your mind before we do announcements? No, I appreciate your insight into why that was coming to mind for me. Like, I, it dropped into my head, but I wasn't aware of what triggered it. Yeah. triggered, like, oh, let's go there. So that was beautifully strung together by you. And I agree that. It's so much more feels like being in rhythm with nature, number one, taking the heroic journey over the course of the year. I feel like it's very supported by nature and its rhythms.

Cassidy And in hindsight, like looking back over these several years where we have switched and slowly kind of were shown the rhythm, I want to say, you know, we were shown this rhythm. It just feels so supportive. And at the same time, so remarkable as to what growth and the change in consciousness that is, I want to say, allowed and held with. I hope that others, either who are doing this work or who are listening, I hope that that really lands with them. Particularly those doing the work, like take a moment to just think about your journey this year. And like, what has been accomplished? What has been accomplished this year? Yeah, I love that. I love the very simple question. What changed? What changed? Because that is also the mark of a story. There's a beginning, middle, and an end. be external change, because so much of this work that we do is internal. So it doesn't have to be visible in the world yet. What has changed within you and what has changed as a mirror reflection? Absolutely. That's the that's the character arc. That's the real story is that something has changed within within. All right. And you and, and the choices, you know, how you make choices. Yeah. Um, awesome. announcements? Well, let's see. The Summer Solstice replay is still available on the homepage at robesofflight.com. And it's discounted because we're in the latter half of the season. And it could be a really great tool for integration for this season to watch it and use it as a tool to kind of look back since Summer Solstice to kind of see like, what did happen? What did change? You know, what are, what are the connections? So, um, that tool, that resource is there.

Susan And then we will have our fall equinox, autumn equinox, uh, doors open for our opening ceremony, card show, live show, uh, which happens on, uh, fall equinox. Of course it's recorded and it's available.

Cassidy I, I, I, I, I, I, Thank

Susan So you can either get a ticket for that, or you can become a member. All the information for that is on robesoflight.com.

Cassidy The doors will open two weeks before Equinox, which is in soon, actually. It's like, oh my gosh, it's September now. Soon. Yeah. Do we have the date for Equinox? Yeah, I'm totally prepared and definitely have the date right in front of me because I'm prepared that way. I actually don't know. It might be the 7th that the doors open. 23rd. The 23rd is Equinox this year. Yes. Wow.

Susan That's what the internet tells me. According to the internet. Okay, cool. So that means doors will open on September 9th.

Cassidy Oh, this is interesting. And already we have discrepancies.

Susan So it must be at a weird time. A weird time. Because the old farmer's almanac says that it is on Tuesday, September 22nd, but general internet. That says Wednesday, September 23rd.

Cassidy So we'll have to do our research and understand the differences as to why. it looks like it's going to be Tuesday, the 22nd. It'll be around 7 p.m. my time, 8 p.m. your time. So it'll be the 22nd, which means registration will open on the 8th. And thanks for y'all's patience because none of this is scripted. We don't even come with the announcements ready.